What We Need and What We Want Are Two Different Things

Hello again Mom,


       I just finished working on my pathophys paper for the night and thought I would drop you a line before heading off to bed. At least I’ll try and go to sleep being that I have to get up early to get Alexis on the bus and I’ll have Sariah all day so there won’t be any afternoon nap. I remember you telling me at one point that you had or thought you had multiple sclerosis. I’ve chosen hat for the topic of my paper on neurological disorders. I figured “why not”, I’ll learn a bit more about it and maybe I’ll see some signs that you may or may not have had it. It really doesn’t matter anymore I suppose. Only 15% of those with the disorder had relatives who also had it. I’m not too worried about that.

       I think about life and death a lot—maybe more than most people do. There are most always exceptions to the rule but I think about it a lot. I work in a hospital where people die or are dying, have died, and will die. I see people with cancer or other life-threatening disorders. I have had three friends killed in war, another who killed himself, my father died, all of my grandparents have died. Last year you passed away. Life on this earth is limited. We WILL die someday, somehow. But that isn’t always something to be afraid of. We have to live our lives the way we want to be remembered. What would make it all worthwhile?

       Going through life, working, breathing, sleeping, etc. There has to be more to it than that! What do we WANT to do? We all have our “needs” and “have-to’s” but what are our “want-to’s”? I want to help people, and not just work-related helping. I want to finish revising my first novel and write more---of course publication would be nice. I want to take road trips with my wife and children to see the sights around the country and other countries that we’ve only seen or haven’t seen on television. I want to make friends who are there for whatever and aren’t judgmental. That last one may not be fair but I was spoiled by you, Mom, because you taught me to be that way. I do pretty well most of the time. But, of course, society has shown me how to be judgmental towards others. I just have to fight off the urge to be that way.

       I need to go to bed. It’s 2 AM now and I have to get up in about five hours to get Alexis on the bus. I’ll talk to you later.