As We Progress, Meanings Change

Hey Mom,


       I was just listening to/watching Ed TV, the movie with Matthew McConnaughey, and the scene where Ed goes to his father’s tiny rundown apartment got me thinking about Dad. I remember you and I used to talk about him every now-and-then on our trips up to Columbus. You never really dogged him in front of me, which I’m glad you didn’t. I know there were things that happened between you two and possibly others that didn’t sit well. You mentioned them a couple times when I was older and could better understand them.

       I only knew Dad from a child’s perspective. I never really knew him as a person though. We didn't have normal conversations like you and I had. The last time I saw him before the funeral was when I was 13 years old and Nathaniel and I moved back to Ohio to be with you again. He took us to the bus station where he worked and put us on one of the charter buses for free. It was a long ride home. I don’t regret the year Nathaniel and I spent in New Hampshire. We met a lot of family while we were there and we did a lot of things that we would have otherwise not gotten to do: cross-country skiing with Aunt Holly, swimming at the cottage with Uncle Bruce and Aunt Kate, hanging out with our cousins Kelly and Tracey. There are many memories, too many to recall here, that I hold on to.

       I’ve thought about writing what I call “minimoirs” about things from my childhood. I’ve even thought about writing a memoir documenting my life from the time you had your first stroke in 1995 up until the present or sometime a little while ago. I think there has been significant growth within myself with regards to understanding life and accepting things that happen in the past 15 or so years. I remember when I was 12 years old and I was riding the school bus home one day; I was thinking about how you’d gotten sick and Nathaniel and I had moved to another part of the country leaving behind everything we’d ever known. Even then I knew there was a reason for it, even if I didn’t know what that reason was.

       I believe that I know what the reason(s) for everything that happened was. And as we progress in our lives things take on new meanings. I will hold on to these thoughts and make a point to write them down in a memoir-style work. I would like to talk to some of my brothers and Leanne about what things were like for them when everything happened. I wonder if any of their lives changed much. Mine and Nathaniel’s lives probably changed most significantly just because we had to move to a place where we knew no one but our father, change schools, and had no idea when or if we would be able to go home. All we knew was that we were in another part of the country with family we knew we had, but didn’t really know very well.

       I’m going to get off of the computer for a while; I have to go to bed so I can work all night tonight. I’ll talk to you later.