Why Just One?

Hey Mom,


       I’ve been thinking…we hear the question “what is your dream?” all the time. Or someone says “my dream is to…” Why are these statements followed by a single dream? You know me and how I’ve been scatter-brained since childhood. They called it ADHD. As I’ve gotten a bit older the hyperactive portion has tapered off but the attention disorder has remained steadfast. I can’t commit all my energy to just one thing. So why should I commit to just one dream?

I Work to Live. I Do Not Live to Work.

Hello once again Mother,


       It’s pretty late by normal people standards (1:14am). I am actually tired, very tired. I’m not in bed sleeping because of a conversation Vicki and I had the other night which has really gotten me thinking about decisions I have made and need to make. She asked me, while we were talking about my schooling and career, if I was working on my master’s degree in nursing because I felt I had to or because I wanted to…I had never thought of it like that. This moment reminded me of a scene from “Joe Somebody” with Tim Allen where the Wellness Coordinator asks Tim Allen’s character what he wanted. It was the turning point in the movie. That single and seemingly simple question changed everything in Tim’s character’s life.

Mourning for Ourselves

Hey Again,


       As promised, I’m going to tell you a bit about at least one conversation Vicki and I had the other day. I’m sure you remember a friend of mine and Vicki’s that we used to talk about all the time, Calvin Harrison. You weren’t here last September but he was killed in Afghanistan while out on a mission. Vicki and I, along with the girls, went back to North Carolina for the funeral and met his parents and some of his family. AZ and Ellie were there too, of course. We went by our old house just down the street from Calvin’s place. It was an experience very difficult to describe. It was difficult to go back to his house and him not be there.

The Gift of Gab

Hey Mom,


       It’s been a few days, I know. I’ve been caught up in family time with mi esposa and the girls. We’ve been up to see Vicki’s grandpa and then her parents—nothing majorly exciting going on. There have been a few conversations that Vicki and I have had about life and education and goals we have. That’s something I always enjoyed with you as I was growing up. I remember the long car rides up to Columbus for doctor’s appointments and we would listen to Dolly Parton, John Denver, and the Hee Haw show and talk almost the entire time, when we weren’t singing along.

Process Excellence

Hey Mom,


       Just thought I would write you for the day before I bury myself in my pathophysiology book for a few hours and head off to bed. I have fallen behind a bit with the reading for my class. It’s not that the class is too much for me, more so that the combination of work, class, children, and family take quite a bit of time collectively. I’m going to work on that though. I have thought a lot about what should happen if for some reason I don’t finish this program and move to the next level in my current career. I have ideas of what I may do if that turns out to be the case.

Festivals and Fairs

This was actually written yesterday (21 Sept. 2011)

Hey Mom,

       I know I didn't write yesterday; it was very busy. I worked until 4 and got home around 5, then I went with Vicki and the kids a few places. We went to the Apple Festival for a while last night and I was ready for bed by the time we got home.

The Front of the Class

Greetings from a Rainy Day,


       It’s been raining through most of the day thus far and I can’t see any sign of it slowing. I’m not sure why but whenever I’m in school I feel a huge sense of weight on my shoulders and chest. I know it’s a big responsibility and there are consequences to failure, but should it always feel this way? I’m a procrastinator, which is very bad for classes that require a tight schedule.

It Can Be Frustrating

Afternoon Mom,


       Just got done mowing the yard. Shouldn’t have to do that too many more times this year…I hope. This morning I was thinking about how we’re supposed to help one another whether we know the person we are helping or not. I have tried to do that but it takes time and effort that I feel I do not have. I don’t want to turn this into a promotional add for my website, but you never knew that I even had a website, because I didn’t create it until this August and you’ve been gone over a year now.

College Isn't for the Birds

Hola Madre,


       Just thought I would stop in and give myself a break from working on papers for a while. My head is full of fancy medical jargon. Education has always been important to me, whether it be formal or just researching and reading about things out of curiosity. I remember when you went back to school for your master’s degree. I hated to see you go and all of the work you had to put into your studies and papers for classes. But I also remember your graduation day and watching you ride in your scooter down the track on your way to get that all important piece of paper.

Writing Is A Maybe

Mother,


       I know you haven’t been here since I started writing my book, started my website, or started grad school, but you knew that I wanted to do all of those things. I’m sure you’d be glad to know that I’ve followed through with all of them. Of course they are all still works in progress and will be for a while, but they, along with my family, are what keep me going. You were always there to listen to my immediate goals, short-term goals, intermediate goals, and long-term goals. I always had, and still have, so much running through my head.
      

Here Comes the Rain

Morning Mother,


       Just got home from work not long ago and I have the littlest one here beside me watching some cartoons. It’s cold, gray and rainy outside so far today. I remember when I was growing up and there would be a storm come through and knock out the power. We would get out the oil lamps and light them up. Board games were pulled out of the closet and we let the good times roll. I hope to have times like that with my girls. I want them to have those memories to look back on when they grow up and have children of their own.

Midnight Mumbles

Hello Mother,


       Here I am, sitting alone in the living room once again preparing myself for another night of reading about the pathophysiolocial world that is the human body. There are very interesting sections and then there are not-so-interesting sections. The other night as I was reading I fell asleep for a few moments after reading only a few paragraphs—not because I was tired. My brain needs stimulation.

       Earlier this evening I made spaghetti for dinner and it reminded me how you used to let me and Nathaniel take a couple strands of the spaghetti pasta before you put them in the water. They were crunchy and left an odd aftertaste but it was fun for some reason. I still toss spaghetti on the kitchen cabinet to check if the noodles are done. Your granddaughters get a kick out of that.

       I need to get to my reading now. I’ve always been a procrastinator…maybe I’ll work on changing that sometime. Talk to you later.

Something You Taught Me

Morning Mom,


       Home from work again. I remember when you lived in the subdivision across from Alexis’ school; I would call you two and three times a day just to talk about nothing in particular. Or if it was about something, I would talk about it every time I called you. That was one of my favorite things about you. No matter how much I talked about something, you never sounded or acted bored or uninterested. Driving home from class when I was in nursing school—especially the associate program—I would drone on and on about what we’d gone over in class that day. I got into too much detail about the pathophysiology of various diseases and disorders even though I knew you didn’t really care about it nearly as much as I did. But you knew that I learn by teaching and explaining to others. Teachers learn by teaching. Someday I plan to teach.

September 11th

Hey Mom,


       Just got home from work and getting ready to go to bed for the night (day). As I was leaving work I noticed the heavy fog and it reminded me of what Ground Zero looked like on TV ten years ago today. Of course you know it’s 9/11 today and there will be a lot of emotional ceremonies around the country for everyone who died and helped in the rescue efforts. I could barely see the road 50 feet in front of me at times as I was driving home and trying not to fall asleep. I have come to realize that these dense patches of fog I passed through are so much like life. Life has been likened unto a road for far longer than we have been around, but I think…I know that life has its patches of dense fog. September 11th, 2001 was a very difficult time for our country as you well know.

Wedding Reception Speech

1.             As we all know, Nathaniel is a pretty smart guy. Even so, it took him almost 29 years to finally realize what had been in front of him, beside him, and behind him, following him for all those years as we were growing up…the best man, me.

2.             He has been gently nudging me for the past few months, making sure I hadn’t forgotten that I would be brought up here to say a few words. I have a few words for him, but those I cannot say with innocent ears present in the room. Two days ago I hadn’t written a single word down on paper. I’d thought about a few specific things I wanted to say and that was about it. I sent him a text and told him I was going to “wing it”. His reply: “LOL. Sounds interesting.” The sarcasm behind his words was noted. He was skeptical, and I would have been too.

Mother Dearest

       Mother Dearest…This is how the last letter I started writing you began. You never received this letter because I never finished writing it. Something prompted me to write you a letter and tell you how much I appreciated all that you had done for me as I was growing up and into young adulthood. At the time it had probably been 14 years since I’d written you a letter. Looking back now, it’s too obvious that the prompting I received to write that letter was for a better reason than I had originally thought. If I find it I will type as much as I had written and post it here for you. Maybe I’ll even finish it.