I Work to Live. I Do Not Live to Work.

Hello once again Mother,


       It’s pretty late by normal people standards (1:14am). I am actually tired, very tired. I’m not in bed sleeping because of a conversation Vicki and I had the other night which has really gotten me thinking about decisions I have made and need to make. She asked me, while we were talking about my schooling and career, if I was working on my master’s degree in nursing because I felt I had to or because I wanted to…I had never thought of it like that. This moment reminded me of a scene from “Joe Somebody” with Tim Allen where the Wellness Coordinator asks Tim Allen’s character what he wanted. It was the turning point in the movie. That single and seemingly simple question changed everything in Tim’s character’s life.

       I bet you know where I’m going with this already. You were always a very perceptive and intelligent woman so I know you know where I’m going here. I believe that I have forced myself into the position I am in. I felt that I needed to push forward in my career as a nurse and obtain my master’s degree. I fell that if I am not doing something to further myself and my education, that I am merely marking time and making no progress as a person and contributor to society and my children. However, I have not been able to focus my attention and efforts towards my studies nearly as much as I need to and the courses require.

       I find that I procrastinate much more than I usually do. I openly admit that I procrastinate with nearly any project I have going on which is mandatory. I believe, I work better under pressure as long as I see the task as something I want and need to accomplish. My master’s degree would be great, but it is taking far too much time and energy that I want and need to spend with my wife and children. The financial stability that would come with this new career level would undoubtedly relieve some financial stress but at what cost to myself, my wife, and my children?

       I feel as though I’m afraid to take the other road, the road I have never considered taking…not continuing with my master’s degree. What would I tell family and friends who have been listening to me talk about going on with my education for years now? I would have to explain myself to each of them and feel as though I’m a failure and have given up over and over again, endlessly. Plain and simple, I have a dream that does not involve the medical field. Whether that dream will ever be realized is not certain; in fact, it probably will never be realized as it is a very difficult dream to attain.

       I want time for my children, for my wife, and for myself. I want to do what makes me feel worth something more than money. Money is a nasty yet necessary disease that takes on many forms simultaneously. Money is an addiction we as individuals and as a global community cannot live without because we will not allow ourselves to live without it. Money is not everything. I work to live. I do not live to work. But I must make a decision and commit to something for myself and for my family. I know you would have some words of wisdom or at least some words of encouragement if you could speak to me now. I need to study, but I need to sleep and I have a beautiful and supportive wife who is sleeping alone just a few rooms away that I would rather be lying next to. I’ll talk to you later.